My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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