Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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