Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize