So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
two words...techno handjob
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
