you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
