If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
