OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
