i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
