I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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