I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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