Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
