I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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