Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
