Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
