We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
