____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
