i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
