my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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