Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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