Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
