He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
