dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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