just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
