Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
