I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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