I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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