Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
