Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I supernannyed him into submission
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
