I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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