tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
