I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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