Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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