"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
