Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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