I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
