I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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