Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My ATM looks so different sober.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
