if you like me you must not know who I am
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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