And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize