I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize