Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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