Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
