This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
