Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
