THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
