Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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