just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
