Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
