dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
