I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
