He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
either way he was missing a nipple.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
