Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
