Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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