Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Little spoons don't ask big questions
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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