I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
