Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
