he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
