I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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