Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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