Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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