Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
