Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
