hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
