You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
