I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize