I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
